So Father McFlyingtoad and his disciples continued sailing in their small
32 foot barge to their unknown destination. After about six months without
food or water they came upon a great sea chariot. Once they set foot on
the sea chariot they quickly realized that it was full of the Holy Spirit!
After bloating themselves on the vile liquid they remembered the revelation: "...and when ye have arrived ye shall be full of the Holy Spirit..." So the end of their great journey must be neigh! The disciples quickly
set about doing the Lords work preparing to land. It was about this time
that brother Dominic discovered that some of the Holy Spirit they had
drunk was in reality cleaning fluid!** It so happened that all of the disciples
except Fr. McFlyingtoad, Sister Mary Typhoid and Fr. McFlyingtoad's right
hand man, Mongo-Mongo, had partaken of the fluid and were doomed to die
slow, horrible deaths! Fr. McFlyingtoad later wrote that he considered
this to be the low point of an otherwise only mildly annoying voyage.
It was not long after the those who had partaken of the cleaning fluid
began to wretch did Mongo-Mongo spy the island. A friendly current slowly
lured them onto a sandy beach where a safe landing was made. And so the
remaining pilgrims staggered onto the beach and in accordance with what
the Great Voice had bellowed six months previous, all of the doomed disciples
dropped as if great steaming loads of Holy excreta had fallen on them
from the heavens above. And so they perished like squirming mucous coated
maggots vainly struggling in a great pool of DDT. After long and tortuous
deaths only three remained; Father McFlyingtoad, Sister Mary Typhoid and
Mongo-Mongo were the only surviving pilgrims remaining alive on the island.
And so, once again in accordance with the Great Voice, the three of them
claimed the new land in the name of the Lord.
In order to perpetuate the species on the island and carry on the great
McFlyingtoad family name Father McFlyingtoad and Sister Mary Typhoid had
to break their sacred vows. And so the Banana Republic was born (as well
as many little McFlyingtoads) with Father and Mrs. McFlyingtoad living
in sin. Mongo-Mongo just liked to watch.
* In this case the Holy Spirit is now thought to be a cheap domestic
Rum. It was often carried in large quantities to make otherwise dull voyages
* Unfortunately, after the long and taxing sea journey the pilgrims were
unable to detect the difference between cleaning fluid and cheap rum.
Thus, they were doomed due to their bad taste in distilled beverages.
* The "Lord" they refer to here is not thought to actually be "THE LORD"
as in God, but, rather, Safwat G. Zvonko, then head of the CIA. This fact
gave rise to the speculation that "the Great Wind" was in fact a CIA weather
control experiment gone amok. It was also the basis for recent Soviet
allegations of CIA activity in the BR.
Copy of an original woodcut print depicting Father Sebastian
McFlyingtoad making landfall on the land which would soon become known
as the Banana Republic in late 1066.
Artwork ©1978 by Stanley J. Alluisi